The Chronicles Of Derp
It was a cold winter’s night in the city of Chicago Steven Derp ™ was waiting outside of the rich billionaire jeffrey hamster’s mansion with his bag of cow poop and his cow poop slinga,he climbed over the fence graffitied jeffrey’s entire house and slung a piece of poop at jeffrey’s bedroom window.jeffrey got straight up and marched over to the window and opened it up “hey! Who threw that poop at my”SPLAT! A piece of poo came flying in through and hit jeff in the face “hahahahahahahahahahahaha” steven ™ howled with laughter “get rekt jeff”
As steven ™ walked away laughing he didn’t notice jeff walking to his bedside grabbed his shotgun bessie and and shot at steve ™ he narrowly missed and heaps of glowing green dirt flew into steve’s mouth “oh that’s disgusting” screamed steve and then something amazing, All of the dirt around him swirled up around him and then he disappeared
*
“Where am” i moaned steven getting up “sit” came a strange voice “i’ll give you a clue to our whereabouts in a catchy song “come on down to meatloaf man’s meatloaf shack where they make amazing meatloaf yeah.this is a trademark production DO NOT COPY! ™. “Wait am i at the meatloaf shack” “yes”said the man “m-hm, then who are you “who do you think i am idiot i’m meatloaf man”said meatloaf man “then why am i here”said steve “you have an amazing power” “what” “what is it” you can move dirt with your mind “OMG” and then steve fainted
“What happened” moaned steve “you fainted” said a voice that was definitely not meatloaf man “who’s there” “my name is moonman and i need something from you” “what do you want”said steve sleepily “you are the most powerful man in the universe” “what how” exclaimed steve “you got shot with a moonium bullet” “what does moonium do” asked steve “it gives you superpowers” “so your saying i have super powers” “yes.but anyway to the transplant I will drain some moonium out of you and then throw the moonium on the floor and slurp it of the floor” “ew” said steve “i know” exclaimed moonman “but anyway let the draining begin” moonman pulled a remote from his pocket and pressed a big red button.steve felt like his internal organs were turning inside out but he didn’t dare show it.
*
4 hours later
“Hahaha” moony howled with laughter (“hey writer don’t call me moony” oh fine moonman “thank you”)sorry about that inconvenience back to the story. Steve moaned “can you let me out now” “no i’m going to leave you here to rot”
“Oh come on” “goodbye”.steve hadn’t realised that they were at the top of a 692 story building.moonman jumped out the window and opened a parachute hidden in his underwear. “Oh i’m done with this guy” he controlled the dirt at the bottom of the building to fly up to him and free him,when he was free he jumped out the window but instead of a parachute he had a giant dirt slide,weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!????!!!!!?! He landed in the derpcity fountain “why am i in derpcity i should be in derptown” “ oh it’s a convenient telepad” he hopped on the telepad and went back to derptown.
When he arrived what he saw horrified him moonman was blasting everything with rocks “moonman what are you doing” “steve how did you escape” “oh you don’t need to know,now die moony” jeff summoned a dirt machine gun into his hands and started roasting moonman with dirt bullets.
breaking news
“Moonman has started a reign of terror but one man has stood up to him let's get an interview” “excuse me brave sir what is your name” “my name is steven derp by my merch” “ok thankyou.”
Back to the book
Meanwhile steve was hatching a plan, he was going to blast moonman into a blackhole.”hey moonman come and get me” “oh i will happily get you” moonman launched himself at steve, a dirt rocket formed around him and he got blasted into a blackhole, and that was the end of moonman.
The end.
